Love me tonight
By Youko Gingitsune
I'm dying...
I'm dying slowly by inside... I see my surroundings, yes, it's the Makai; but I
see nothing.
All that surround me, animals, sounds, demons, plants... oh plants, all remember
me to him; to his tender hands touching, kissing, blowing each inch of my
body... And now all is nothing because he is no more by me side...
So many nights, so many dreams
There are outruning in my sleep,
There's to much pressure in my mind
As all time I get sleep I awake from a nightmare to other worst and there's too
many nights and too much dreams. Since he left me, like before I knew him, I
always have nightmares; some times I dream when I was abandon to my luck the day
I was born because I was the forbidden child, I am...
Some times I relive in my dreams all that I passed after that ice day, all the
hatred I was forced to foment not to get insane or die... some times I recall in
my sleep the day we parted away... it was so hard...
He looked at me with no feeling in his face, so do I, the time I told him that I
would return to the Makai to serve Mukuro, accepting my decision, saying nothing
to hold me with him in the ningenkai... after the big fight we had why should
he?
I remember all, each very instant... "good luck" he said, trying to maintain
that stony facade as I did. "I hope you to get stronger" his voice is sarcastic.
"I'm sure you are going to get stronger, your you-ki will increase... isn't it
in the only thing in your mind?" then I left, run away from his accusing eyes
and at the distance I was able to hear him falling to the ground and sobbing...
but he do nothing to detain me. WHY!?... why?... I know why... because he love
me too... or hate me too.
I'm feeling cold, come hold me tight
I think I just kiss you one more time
And tell you the something I feel inside
Come, come Kurama, I'm begging for you to warm me... I'm a fire youkai, I know
that, but you are the only one who can light my fire. I'm feeling cold, I need
your burning touches in my skin; I need your tender, slender but strong arms
holding me tight. I need your thin and sweet lips in mine's, that's the single
thing I think days and nights... I remember all the kisses you gave me, each one
so different of the other but at the same time so yours... and I death to kiss
you one more time. I want to scream, to yell your name to the 4 winds, so then,
perhaps, my pleads could reach your ears. I wish I'd be able to tell you the
something I feel inside but I can't... it's my own fault...
Where is the light? I need to see you
Open your arms, I need to touch you
I wanna feel your love and hear you say "good night".
All is dark; my live, since you left me, is an eternal night and I want to be
death, I have nothing more to live for, I'm despaired, I'm not going to be able
to resist this situation anymore... Where is the light!? Where are you!? I used
to live in an eternal obscurity till you arrived to my live. You was the
lightness inside my being... you still are. And now I'm aware that I can't live
in the gloom I was used to live one more time... Open your arms wide to me like
before! Please! so I'll nestle into your protective arms... I need to touch you,
to feel your soft skin under my rough hands, this hands that you always said
drive you crazy and now are begging for you. I want to feel you, I need your
love, I necessitate to hear your melodious voice blowing at my ear like before,
as always after our lovemaking whispering me "Oyasuminasai, Hiei(sleep well,
Hiei)" at least one more time...
Love me tonight, sing me a love song
Come hold me tight and make me feel strong
I can see your love coming in my heart.
Now I know my life is just a love away...
Oh! I remember all the nights and days we share together, specially the fist
time we made love, I remember each very precious instant, each word of love you
tell me like a love song, each blow, each groan, each gasp... I was tense,
nervous, terrify; but you calmed me down with your fondles and caresses and
sweet words, holding me caressingly and tight. Always when I were in your arms
you made me feel strong, in your arms I had no nightmares... for the first time
in my life.
Now I understand your words, only my you-ki had increased and I'm more weak
without you. Though you are so far from me I can see your love coming in my
heart and that's what maintain me alive... until now... because I almost die a
few time ago against Shigure.
Mukuro told me that if I won she would show me her body; but it didn't matter
me, I only wanted she to bring me some powerful warrior who could give me a good
battle and a worthy death and I knew that if she had to show me herself she
couldn't bring any youkai but a powerful and it was... She literally
resuscitated me and I hate her for that; but at the same time I'm thankfully
because now that you are in the Makai again with Yomi at least I can see you
with my jagan when you go out of his kingdom and you look so damned beautiful
and wonderful like always and every time I see you I know that my life is just a
love away...
Begin to find myself with you
I didn't know what thing to do
now that you are here to guide me I feel more secure
Since I felt your presence in the Makai I sought you and found you. I saw the
form that Yomi received you and I would cut his head off, but you were there and
I didn't dare to face you... but I began to find myself whit you, once more in
so much time, at least for me it was an eternity. But then you flew away from me
again, you returned to the ningenkai and I didn't know what thing to do, the
only thing that I thought was in my death and then I accepted confront Shigure...
I almost die but I'm alive again to see you even though you return to Yomi, not
to me; but that never mind because now that you are here to guide me I feel more
secure. I know that now we are enemies because I'm from Mukuro's kingdom(if you
can call this a kingdom) and you belong to Yomi...
It hurt, you know?, the only idea that you belong to him and not to me drive me
crazy; but I know that even if I had choose the training to get more powerful
you had obliged yourself to me and both of us know that you only belong to me
and I to you.
Perhaps you love me more than I; but if that's truth... I don't know how a
ningen body, so fragile, can hold all that pain inside; but I know that you are
strong, stronger than me... I always knew that... you are youko Kurama, the
legend, after all.
where is the light? I need to see you
open your arms, I need to touch you
I wanna feel your love and hear you say "good night".
A year after we parted away Raizen died and I was so near and so far from you. I
was on your search, she was in search of a war, but that didn't mind me because
I was able to see you. Yomi didn't seem very pleasant with Yusuke's idea and
then... then... my heart stopped... I held my breath in surprise... a unseen
smile grew up in my heart when you appeared, only in my heart because my face
remained expressionless.
You know, my rare true smiles are only for you because you are the only one that
made me smile, for first time in my live an original smile full of sheer
happiness. You looked as beautiful and magnificent as always... no! You were
different, you hair had grew, your ningen body had mature and you voice was most
deep than before, but all of that in smallest proportions that I'm sure that
nobody had noticed, even you, only me because I know each part of your body. I
can't say that I know you all, because that's false, you never showed me all
your soul, I know that you are more powerful than you seem to be, even when you
are in your youko form... and you seem stronger than before, you were more
gorgeous in all aspects and I almost surrender to my feelings; but Mukuro was
with me and I couldn't...
*Love me tonight, sing me a love song
Come hold me tight and make me feel strong
I can see your love coming in my heart.
The Makai tournament is going to begin soon, no as soon as I wish, a couple of
weeks or so; but the only idea of have you near is enough to make me tolerate
this situation. All I know is that I need to see you, but see you face to face,
at least one more time, then, only then I'm going to be able to death satisfied,
no in peace but... I can't ask more because is my own fault.
I flew away from you but without hopping you to let me go, hopping that your
selfishness order your feelings and don't let me go, to be with you, no matter
what I thought I wish; because you always know what I really want within my
confused mind. But no, you love me too... or hate me too... and you let me go,
you returned me my freedom knowing that I didn't want it ...
Two years... almost two years since you let me go and I feel I love you more day
with day, I'm hurt and I know you too, because I was able to see that in your
eyes and you looked so damned beautiful in your sorrow. I don't know if I'm
going to be able to maintain these feelings inside me, I'm sure I will surrender
to you at the end but meanwhile I'm going to continue suffering in my imposed
loneliness, in punishment to my own fault.
* * * *
Owari
"Love me tonight" a song written by Rene Novelles, sung by Lou Bonnevie from the OVA "Advance police".